After weeks of reduced service without a schedule on Link Light Rail, years without real-time arrivals on platforms, and massive delays on system expansion, today the Sound Transit Board cut to the chase and announced they would really rather prefer if everyone just stopped using the train anymore.
“We thought we could maybe slow-fade out of this relationship with light rail, and just go on to build more parking garages, like we’ve clearly always wanted,” said Sound Transit Board Chair King County Executive Dow Constantine. “Then we realized we needed to change our approach when people just kept trying to ride the train no matter how miserable and unreliable we made the experience.”
Local transit enthusiasts were relieved at the admission from the regional transit agency.
“When all of the clocks in the stations started displaying different, incorrect times, and the PA system would vaguely say something about 10 to 30 minute delays, I started to think Sound Transit was dabbling in some light, psychological warfare,” said local transit rider, Linda Powell. “So, as someone who grew up in the Northwest, it’s really comforting to know it’s actually just been extremely passive aggressive behavior. Welp, see you back here on the trains tomorrow.”
At press time, Constantine and fellow Board member Mayor Bruce Harrell wanted to assure everyone they still intend to blow up long-awaited plans to turn Union Station into a future public transit transfer hub so the Board’s preference that no one use the train continues to be clear to countless future generations as well.
Alterations made to “King County Executive Dow Constantine” Photo by Oran Viriyincy (CC BY-SA 2.0)
