After a long week of waiting for anyone to punish Seattle police union leaders caught on tape laughing at the death of a young woman killed by another officer, Thursday night a relieved and overjoyed sold-out Lumen Field crowd went wild when Beyoncé proceeded to get in Formation and go full Lemonade on a fleet of SPD Cruisers in the stadium parking lot.
“This marks the first time anyone with a powerful platform made a real move to hold the Seattle Police Department accountable in any way this week and—honestly—it’ll probably be the last, so swing batta batta swing,” said one fan as they watched Beyonce and her dancers shatter and set ablaze at least 10 Ford Explorers on the concert jumbotron. “Don’t betray the public’s trust – OR ELSE.”
When Beyonce asked her fans if they felt safer yet, the answer back was a resounding “yes.”
“The chances that I get mowed down by a police car high-tailing it at three times the legal speed limit just went down significantly—thanks Beysus!” said fan Sarah Wentworth. “I heard those vehicles weren’t going anywhere anyway tonight anyway because they’re doing a ‘sick out’ of not responding to any 911 calls—just like the one they really actually did in July—until they’ve successfully extorted enough taxpayer money out of us.”
At press time, Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell said the only reason he hasn’t made any statement on the Jaahnavi Kandula case directly to his constituents is he’d been reportedly put on mute.
