Local officials announced today that they are opening a formal investigation into how a thing that is honestly pretty fucking cool ended up somehow obviously getting accidentally misplaced in Bellevue.
“We don’t know who made it, who owns it, or how it got here—but we do know there’s no way anyone would have intentionally put such a cool, Gaudi-esque piece of interactive modern art that glitters beautifully in the sun from about a thousand different angles in Bellevue, especially not the city itself. So that’s a start,” said lead investigator Detective Dan Bridges. “I mean, obviously something that’s this cool to look at, wander around, and take epic selfies underneath was supposed to be in Seattle or Portland or something, and it just got abandoned here on one of the corners of Bellevue Downtown Park.”
Some are comparing the sculpture being plopped into the suburb to the way the Lenin statue in Seattle’s Fremont neighborhood was once dragged and abandoned there.
“Thankfully, we at least don’t think this cool thing is a depiction of an awful dictator—not one that lived on Earth anyway,” Det. Bridges said, raising an eyebrow. “But, if aliens possibly dropped it here in a rush after Congress started discussing them earlier this month, I guess we can’t say for sure it’s not a detailed sculpture of an intergalactic alien blob dictator. If it was, though, it would honestly still be pretty freaking rad.”
At press time, the cool thing marooned in Bellevue seemed so interesting that hundreds of Seattleites reportedly actually considered visiting Bellevue voluntarily for the first time ever.
