In an astonishingly false statement, today local Shoreline resident Jeffrey Willows announced to a set of strangers that he is from Seattle.
The statement came after Willows introduced himself to a group of people at a networking party in Queen Anne today. Sources recount that the group made small talk, asked each other what they did professionally, and finally got to the burning question: “Where are you from?”
In an eyewitness account of the interaction, Stacey Juniper told The Needling, “We were all standing in a circle, telling each other where we were based out of. Then, Jeffrey tells everyone he’s from Seattle. I asked him where, specifically, and he just blushed and said ‘Uh, kind of North Seattle, I guess.’ That’s when I knew something was wrong.”
Juniper elaborated, saying she asked Willows what notable landmarks he lived near.
“He said he lived right next to Kruckeberg Botanic Garden, and I felt my heart breaking as I realized he wasn’t from Seattle at all. He was from Shoreline.”
The Needling will be conducting a follow-up investigative report to see just how many residents of other towns are saying they are from Seattle. Distressing initial analyses suggest these people could be extending all the way to Tacoma.
