After an unprecedented walk-out from thousands of Amazon employees today urging the company to take stronger climate action and reconsider its return to office mandate, the tech giant has responded by buying all their employees’ homes.
“We’ve heard your impassioned arguments for continuing to work from home, and that’s why we’ve decided to buy all your homes and bring the office to you,” said Amazon CEO Andy Jassy. “For those of you living in corporate housing or apartments, we’ll arrange a Resident Amazonian, or RA, to your building to monitor your activity during the workday while you collaborate with your floormates. For those of you living in houses, a team of your colleagues will commute to you three times a week so you can continue to work together in the comfort of your—excuse me—our homes.”
But as Amazon expanded its campus to the domestic setting, the controversial new approach was immediately unpopular with longtime employees.
“Some guy in a polo just showed up with a laptop, introduced himself as my new Room-Manager, and set up his office in my kid’s room,” said Amazon employee Clark Freeman. “I can’t complain about the banana stand in my yard, but I just think it’s ridiculous that I have to badge my wife into the house when she gets home from work.”
Jassy later confirmed that the newly expanded campus would carry on the tradition of fun nicknames and proclaimed the area “New Amazonia.”
