Following an infamous 2001 incident in which former Mariner pitcher Randy Johnson exploded a pigeon with a fastball during a Spring Training game, the pigeon’s son has reportedly flown out of the shadows today to exact his revenge.
“Hello, my name is Inigo Pidgeontoya, you killed my father with a fastball, prepare to die!” squawked the pigeon before dropping a baseball on Randy Johnson’s head. “For twenty-two long years I bided my time, watching your every move—do not think that I’d forget that you used the image of my late father as your company’s logo, you fiend. Remember today, my nemesis, for it is the day that you were bonked by the baseball of justice!”
While Inigo Pigeontoya’s longtime quest was finally fulfilled, the pigeon revealed that the road to revenge was one he traveled alone for many years.
“When my father Domingo Pigeontoya was taken from me, I was but a fledgling, not yet strong enough to pick up a baseball in self defense,” said Inigo, reminiscing on his journey. “From that day I dedicated my life to vengeance. While other birds pecked at French fries, I was gobbling up protein powder outside local gyms until I was strong enough to carry a baseball long distances. And when Randy Johnson finally dropped his guard, I was ready with my deadly orb of retribution!”
Inigo Pigeontoya was later visited by another young bird seeking baseball training to fulfill his own revenge mission, after Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Zac Gallen killed his father with a baseball during pregame warmups earlier this month.
