The rumors are true: This year Mount Rainier has officially come out just in time for Seattle Pride Weekend.
“I don’t know how we missed this: For years we’ve noticed that Rainier’s seismic activity becomes a lot more active every June, as well as the week of Beyonce’s birthday,” said volcanologist Rebecca Waltz, monitoring the mountain at a research center near Mt. Rainier. “As the kids would say, it’s ‘giving volgayno.’”
But while the announcement came as a surprise to some, many in the LGBTQI+ community had already known for quite some time.
“We’ve been saying ‘The Mountain is out’ for at least 50 years—just because straight folks haven’t been paying attention doesn’t mean we didn’t know,” said Bernie Nelson, close friend of Rainier, who says her name is actually Tahoma and it’s about time everyone knew that about her too. “I mean, hello! Parking lot full of visitors in Subarus? Always showing out for brunch on sunny days? She doesn’t say much, but we heard you, girl.”
Meanwhile, conservatives have launched a boycott of every geological feature ranging from mountains to gravel after declaring that rocks have gone woke.
