After being hounded to attend countless Drag Story Hours from Seattle to Portland for too long, today local drag queen Moxie La Croix came out as someone who’s actually just not that into reading to kids.
“Look, I’m tired of being pressured by my peers to be something I’m not,” said La Croix as they dumped into the trash a stack of Dr. Seuss books librarians and teachers had sent along with storytime invites. “Just because I love drag does not mean I want to see another 6-year-old pick their nose so deeply they give themselves a lobotomy, and that’s okay. The only drinks they serve at those events anyway are literal bottles of glue – yuck. No wonder those crowds are always so rowdy and too drunk to listen to my legendarily impeccable narration of Adam Mansbach’s classic children’s book ‘Go the Fuck to Sleep.’”
Though it’s been difficult for the local drag queen community to accept that La Croix no longer identifies as a person who would never turn down an opportunity to dress up and put on a show anyhow anywhere, La Croix’s life choice is gradually being accepted.
“While it’s hard to understand why anyone would turn down an opportunity to wear sequins and put on a theatrical performance for anyone, La Croix knows themself best,” said local drag queen legend and RuPaul’s Drag Race winner Jinkx Monsoon. “Not everyone can stand it when people’s brains aren’t developed enough for their fingernails to keep rhythm with Dolly Parton’s 9-to-5, and that’s okay. And it really better be okay, because honestly I can’t stand it either. Get yourself some class, or I’m out of your class too.”
At press time, many local parents preparing their children for bedtime were still desperately hoping La Croix could at least muster one last Insta Live reading of “Go the Fuck to Sleep.”
