Amazon workers returning for their mandatory three days per week back into the office were met with a surprise today after discovering that the tech company had converted their working spaces into new bunk desks.
“Now that we’ve forcefully welcomed our wonderful little worker bees back into the office, we wanted to add these fun bunk desks to make our workspace so cozy and collaborative that you’ll never want to leave again,” said Amazon HR representative Bedelia Bergamot. “Think of the late nights you’ll be working to make up for that little ‘work-from-home experiment’ as slumber parties with the only friends you’ll ever have time to see.”
While middle managers sitting atop their top bunk thrones were excited to have their underlings back beneath them in person, workers stuck in the bottom bunks desks were less than thrilled with the new accommodations.
“Just my luck that my assigned bunk desk buddy is a guy that runs on his lunch break,” said Amazon marketing coordinator Stewart Phillips, trying to ignore the warm, sweaty feet swinging next to his head. “I just gotta keep my head down and resist the urge to leave the office early—they say that having a close relationship with your higher-ups is the key to climbing the corporate ladder, I just never thought it’d be applied so literally.”
As an added incentive, Amazonians willing to show up before the weekend will be treated to a company-wide event called TGIPFF, or Thank God It’s Pillow Fort Fridays.
