Hoping to mimic the success of public burnings at deterring crimes like heresy, witchcraft and sodomy, Seattle City Attorney Ann Davison said she thinks her shift in prosecuting strategy to burning people at the stake could deter low-level misdemeanors like shoplifting, smoking pot in public, and trespassing.
“For too long, Community Court’s supportive strategy for addressing the root causes of crime with things like housing and employment assistance has been all carrot and no stick,” Davison said in a press release. “Now, we will be using all kinds of sticks—some big sticks and some small sticks for kindling.”
Although many have criticized Davison’s strategy as being both too cruel and ineffective for low-level offenses often committed as a means of survival, her proposed misdemeanor stake burnings are now receiving even harsher criticism from local environmentalists.
“Burning on the scale Davison has suggested could trigger air quality alerts throughout the region,” Elizabeth Proctor, chief communications officer for the Washington Institute for Terrestrial Climate Health. “Won’t someone think of the trees?!”
While slightly worried that a handful of spineless fucks on the Seattle City Council may actually allow this backslide into the Dark Ages to happen, opponents of the burnings said that the permitting process for public execution sites is fortunately at least as restrictive, time-consuming, expensive and nearly impossible as the one for new affordable housing.
