Geologists surprised and overjoyed Catholics across the PNW today when they announced this morning that Mount Rainier plans to let out a little toot this afternoon in celebration of Ash Wednesday.
“I’m not sure everyone knows this, but Mount Rainier is secretly a devout Catholic and huge admirer of Pope Francis—even broke a little white smoke wind when he was first elected,” said National Park Ranger Jed Holmes. “So later today, look out for Rainier ripping one right after taking off her ceremonial Lenticular cloud cap.”
After having several local priests dump last year’s Palm Sunday fronds in Rainier’s crater, Holmes said communities living at the foot of Mount Rainier can even use the ash to cross people’s foreheads at mass today.
“Wow, I was gonna go to an earlier mass so I could spend the entire day freaking out all the non-Christian heathens out there with the black cross on my forehead, but I think I’ll wait,” said Bonney Lake resident Jose Cruz. “I’ll go after it stops snowing—wait is this snow or are we already getting flakes straight from Rainier’s ash festivities?”
Refusing to be outdone, famously canonized Mount St. Helens is reportedly planning to put on an even bigger show of celebration this afternoon as well with an explosive ash and lava-filled shart.
