After years of the Chiefs franchise culturally appropriating Native American/Indigenous traditions without their permission, today the NFL said it was glad to announce the franchise’s racism was successfully offset by renaming Super Bowl host State Farm Stadium “Indigenous Pledge Arena.”
“Every time you notice thousands of white Midwesterners still doing the ‘Tomahawk Chop’ in the stands today, I just want you to remember there’s a sign on top of the stadium now that says ‘Indigenous Pledge Arena’ that completely offsets it,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “Just like a homeowner with a ‘Black Lives Matter’ sign on their lawn doing nothing else to make sure Black lives matter, we hope that from now on you just stop bugging us about making Indigenous lives matter.”
While some critics said more should be done to confront racism in the NFL than buy window-dressing that makes it look like they’re doing something about it, fans at the game said they were more than pleased with the NFL’s half-assed efforts.
“I don’t know if it’s because Native Americans only make up 2 percent of the country’s population for some reason, but most people I know don’t have that big of a problem with it,” said football fan Chris Miller. “My advice to anyone overthinking this is to slow their brain activity with a relaxing concussion and then get back to enjoying the game.”
At press time the NFL maintained that the idea for renaming the stadium came completely from a vague, unnamed indigenous pride group that could not be reached for comment and not another white male billionaire CEO.
