Finally giving up all hopes of a developer ever building anything inside the empty, gaping hole that’s been sitting in front of Seattle City Hall for almost two decades, today the city announced it has finally by popular demand turned the property into a giant public ball pit.
“You—the community—asked us to finally literally make anything happen with this downtown property and we listened,” said Mayor Bruce Harrell at the ball pit ribbon cutting today. “At first we thought it could be a literal money pit, but we accidentally spent too much money making it a metaphorical one. So, instead, we’ve poured our hearts and about 8 billion multi-colored plastic balls into this 5-story, 40,000 square-foot pit—and now it’s all yours! Dive in and never ask me about WTF is going on with this stupid property again—yay!”
Though there’s been mixed reviews about how sanitary a public ball pit is and a handful of missing person reports already, most people seem to be happy with the new public play pit.
“Honestly, slowly slipping through several stories of plastic balls all the way down to the bottom has been a more relaxing and sometimes faster route than taking escalators or elevators to the Pioneer Square light-rail station platform,” said city worker Stacey Roddick. “I can’t wait to get down here even faster when the King County administration building is demolished and permanently turned into a giant quicksand box.”
At press time, most people had abandoned the ball pit to escape a five-year-old only scouts for the Mariners dared approach.
