As the nation mourns another heinous murder of a black person at the hands of police, Mayor Bruce Harrell promised Seattle today that—just like Memphis—he’ll also commit to holding murderous cops accountable as long as they’re also black.
“I’ve already told the Office of Police Accountability they’re now actually allowed to do their job if, and only if, the police officers accused of wrongdoing are black and then, and only then, would we ever fire a cop and charge them with assault and murder,” said Mayor Harrell in a press conference late Friday night. “Usually, the Seattle Police Officers’ Guild is against the city implementing any actual accountability and reform like this on its officers, but for some reason when I called and interrupted SPOG President Mike Solan’s KKK-Proud Boy meeting out in Auburn tonight, he actually didn’t have a problem with it at all.”
Harrell said he and OPA almost put the new policy into action this week to investigate how a speeding police officer ended up striking and killing a pedestrian walking in a crosswalk, 23-year-old college student Jaahnavi Kandula.
“Unfortunately, SPD won’t even tell me which officer did it, so I can only assume he’s not black. Hope he’s doing alright!” Harrell said. “As for those five black cops who killed Tyre Nichols, can you imagine how sick you have to be to enable and uphold systemic racism by killing of your own black brothers on the job? I certainly can’t.”
At press time, Harrell said he needed to quickly turn to other important matters like making sure there’s a way to double Seattle’s Police Department budget next year so they have enough money for both pizza parties when they don’t kill people and enough money to pay off families of innocent people killed by white officers “just doing their job.”
