Just in time for Black History Month, Seattle’s most gentrified neighborhood announced today that later this month they’ll be hosting a festival in Central District to celebrate the people, history and culture it’s almost completely economically displaced.
“Come grab a $27 food-truck fried catfish or po’ boy sandwich made by a white guy who mangled a Creole recipe he found on the internet. Pick up a mallet and play a game of Whack-A-ffordable-Housing (powered by AWS). Smash Yesler Terrace real good!” said festival organizer Marcy Shell. “If sledge-hammers are more your style, step up, step right up to our high striker game to see if you can jack up property taxes high enough to displace even more people who don’t work at a tech company whether they already own a home here or not.”
Before taking in all the festivities, Shell recommended stopping by Uncle Ike’s to enjoy an edible or a joint to avoid thinking about how the neighborhood’s black population has tanked from 68% in the 70s to less than 14% today.
“Taking a hit really takes the edge off of knowing that, thanks to redlining, this used to be one of the only city neighborhoods black people were allowed to even live in until 1976! At least housing discrimination totally doesn’t happen anymore,” Shell said. “Getting high also helps you avoid thinking about how many black former Central District residents are still in jail or dealing with financially debilitating felony records for simply possessing the substance that just got you high. Hello! What a downer. Time for another puff.”
The only public critique about the festival so far is that the city snubbed Georgetown for the title of “Most Gentrified Neighborhood.” Asked for comment, a Georgetown business district source who wished to stay anonymous said “lower your voice before people find out about us.”
