After repeated reminders that acquiring a REAL ID is mandatory federal requirement, 20-year-old University of Washington frat star Brad Ericks assured his friends and classmates this week that his fake ID he bought under the table for $500 is actually still working just fine.
“Dude, the security checking IDs at Neumos doesn’t so much as blink at my fake ID, and Rachel’s Ginger Beer isn’t even carding me anymore,” said Ericks with a smirk as he twirled his “key to paradise” in his fingers. “Besides, what are all my favorite night-out places gonna think if they suddenly find out I’m not actually a 28-year-old, 6’10” dude named D.B. Cooper from the State of Cascadia?”
Reminded by friends that he should at least have a REAL ID around for when he might really need it later for a flight or going to another country, Ericks again shrugged at its necessity.
“Not now–this baby is still getting me everywhere I need to go: 7-Eleven, Trader Joe’s and Tri-Delta,” Ericks said, admiring the shades he’s wearing in his fake ID photo. “REAL IDs are for dweebs. The tri-delts love that my fake ID says I’m an organ loaner.”
At press time, 99.9% of Seattle residents who don’t have REAL IDs either because it requires an in-person DMV appointment to get one agreed their current IDs–whether fake, regular or expired–also work just fine.
