Local couple Vanessa and Patrick say they’re excited to relax and have fun on Orcas Island tomorrow because only the entire direction of their four-year relationship hinges on how many whales pop and twirl out of the water this weekend.
“If one of these orcas doesn’t land a triple lutz and wink at us within 20 feet of our boat this weekend, I don’t know how we even make it to Valentine’s Day,” said Patrick. “I think we’re also really going to need a pair of sea otters holding hands to float right by us because, other than going to therapy like she’s asked me to do a million times, there’s literally no other way to save this relationship.”
In a separate conversation, Vanessa confirmed this weekend getaway is definitely going to have to single-handedly keep their relationship alive.
“Other than staying home and daring to have some difficult and direct conversations about what we really want and need from each other, the only way to keep this relationship going is to spend the weekend blowing at least $3,000 and eating freshly farmed lavender butter at every meal,” said Vanessa. “We’ve put a lot into this relationship over the years, been through thick and thin, so we’re definitely at that special point in a relationship where its future all boils down to whether this AirBnB we reserved looks exactly like it did online.”
At press time, Patrick said their relationship will more specifically mostly hinge on the view from the top of Mount Constitution being beautiful, but not so beautiful that Vanessa dumps him if he doesn’t immediately propose.
