After an officer-involved shooting incident last night led to rare disciplinary action, this morning one disgraced Seattle police officer was just asked to just grow a weird little mustache before being rehired.
“By now you may have heard about ‘The Incident,’ so unfortunately we’re going to have to subject Officer Palmer to the strongest form of discipline we have: putting him on paid leave until he grows a weird little mustache and no one recognizes him,” said Seattle Police Chief Adrian Diaz, addressing the department. “Now you may not like it, but his service weapon did ‘allegedly’ discharge after it fell off his cruiser when he drove out of a McDonalds—which I’ve warned everyone about before. And the bullet did ‘allegedly’ wing Ronald McDonald during a birthday party, so Palmer’s mustache is gonna have to be pretty weird and greasy for people to forget about it.”
The policy was reportedly just another example of a long tradition of SPD officers asked to grow a “thin brown line” above their lips in penance for on-the-job misconduct, and some Seattle Police Officers Guild members wonder if the penalty is too harsh.
“Take Officer Matthews for example: He was there on January 6th and just look at that horrible little flavor-saver he had to grow to keep his job—just trembling on top of his lip, all blonde and flesh-colored,” said Bart Rodgers, speaking for the Seattle Police Officers Guild. “I bet Dear Leader wouldn’t even recognize him anymore. Makes me sick.”
The Ronald McDonald Officer Palmer shot was later arrested for theft of police property after he failed to return the bullet lodged in his arm.
