For the first time in recorded history, today wildlife experts confirmed the first-ever sighting of a Mariner Moose streaking buck-naked at Mount Rainier National Park.
“It’s just beautiful to see those svelte muscles usually hidden under a Mariner’s uniform all year rippling in the ice-cold snow in all their glory like that,” said National Park Ranger Steve Samson as he watched the moose run through Paradise through a pair of binoculars. “You know, this is the first time we’ve seen such a thing in Southwestern Washington period. He usually only does this in Spokane on Sunday mornings.”
Asked for comment about what brought him out to the park in such frigid temperatures this week, Mariner Moose said he just felt like cutting loose after a productive but stressful year.
“I’m mostly just trying to prep for a Wim Hof retreat I have coming up this January in Norway,” said Mariner Moose, pausing to let his genitalia fully retract into his body. “Gotta get my mind off of Mitch Haniger going to the SF Giants somehow too, and freezing my nuts off seemed like just the ticket.”
At press time, troubling reports that Buoy may also take off his clothes to join in the snowy National Park streaking fortunately turned out to be false.
