As the countdown to Halloween continues, a new report revealed that 87% of Boomer scary stories reliably start with ‘Once Upon a Third and Pine’.
“And when Tiffany finally found parking, she was in for a terrible fright: her local coffee shop had been closed this whole time!” exclaimed Barry Gutenberg to the disappointed groans of his grandkids visiting his North Bend residence. “Oh boy that one always gives me chills, couldn’t pay me to visit that downtown of horrors! Which one do you kids want to hear next, ‘I Have No Mask and I’ve Been Denied Entry’? ‘Antifa Stalks at Night’? Or how about a classic, ‘The Defunding’?”
Though the frightful tales tended to be a hit with his golfing buddies, his grandkids weren’t nearly as impressed.
“Aw man, Grandpa’s scary stories are the worst— the “scary monster” is always just a guy in a tent or some city councilwoman,” said Barry’s grandson, Parker. “Last week he told us one about the ‘Property Value Slasher,’ a drifter that walked from neighborhood to neighborhood murdering home values by 2%. Just once I want to hear a normal Halloween story about something that’s actually scary, like a vampire or the new Kraken mascot.”
Join us next time for The Needling’s Seattle Scary Story Hour featuring our terrifying double feature: “The WereMoose of Seattle” and “At the Mount Rainier of Madness.”
