Following Russell Wilson’s chilly reception to start the Denver chapter of his career, the quarterback is reportedly hoping there’s also a “Denver Freeze” to explain his lack of fan support so far.
“Brrr, I knew it got chilly up here in Denver but I didn’t think I’d be getting the cold shoulder on gameday too, am I right?” said Wilson, chuckling nervously while scanning the Bronco’s locker-room for someone to high five him for his joke. “Hey Melvin, how bout that Denver Freeze, sure is hard to make fans huh? Say, there’s not, like some kind of app that can help with that, is there? I’m just casually looking to meet 20-30,000 cool new people that want to wear my jersey and tell me how much they love me on Sundays. And sometimes Mondays and Thursdays, but you know in a super chill way.”
Some Denver residents say part of the reason “DangerRuss” is getting a rocky start in Colorado is he’s a little too willing to go the extra mile-high to make new fans.
“I really wanted to like the guy, especially after we hung out and he bought me his signature Dangerwich at Subway … but then he insisted on watching me eat the whole thing,” said Corey Fellows, who Wilson has already dubbed his “bestest fan.” “He even dabbed the sauce from the corner of my mouth with a napkin, while staring directly into my eyes which was … thoughtful, I guess. He then generously volunteered to visit my kid’s class, which was awesome until he kept raising his hand and answering every teacher’s question before other kids could.”
In a renewed effort to make new fans, it’s rumored that this weekend Wilson will be trying out a few new signature catchphrases including “It’s GameNeigh, Y’all”, “Who’s Ready to Stirrup Some Trouble”, and “Get Ready for the Mane Event.”
