In a moving show of respect, sacrifice, and deference, today local white man Don Pudd honored Indigenous Peoples’ Day by successfully taking an entire day off from talking about what a true Seattle native he is.
“While there’s nothing I love more to do throughout the year than point out who’s a true Seattle native and who’s not, I’m also a pretty progressive dude who can spend a whole single day humbly acknowledging who’s really native to this land,” said Pudd, whose 105-year family history in the area is dwarfed by the thousands of years indigenous Duwamish people lived here. “But don’t worry: Tomorrow I’m diving right back into why people whose family history often includes profiting off of genocide, Japanese internment, and redlining are automatically better and the most entitled to live here. We gotta keep out all these sick fucks who keep moving here for jobs and pretty mountains.”
Pudd—whose entire personality is overeating local orcas’ wild salmon and projecting his family’s history of colonization onto Californians—said it’s important to spend one day a year pulling his head out of his ass to think about who’s really been the most devoted generational stewards of this land for ages.
“I mean, I guess I could spend all year instead of a single day acknowledging the reality that I’ve got no place judging who is a true native and who isn’t, who deserves to be here and who doesn’t,” Pudd said. “But, yeah, I don’t think I can do it for more than a day. In the last 24 hours I’ve witnessed direct eye contact, merging lanes being used, and a Californian band-wagoning onto the Mariners. I’m about to explode into a thousand passive aggressive car notes.”
At press time, Pudd kindly asked The Needling not to mention he’s from Shoreline.
