As Seattle’s home gardeners begin their fall harvest this month, today one mistro of the local homegrown produce scene impressed his family and friends after successfully turning $800 into a side salad.
“They said it couldn’t be done, but I’m living proof that with a few seeds and starters, a little perseverance and nearly a grand in gardening supplies, anyone can enjoy the fruits and veggies of their labor on a small plate,” said home gardening savant Mark Henderson. “Sure, I had to overcome slugs, cabbage worms, aphids, rabbits, drought, and heatwave constantly destroying my plants—I was basically one firstborn child away from getting hit with all the Egyptian plagues. But it’s a small price to pay for this bountiful side salad. Now go easy on the cherry tomatoes, I was only able to grow three and it cost me like $40 to produce each one.”
Friends Mark invited over for the annual harvest marveled at his petite cornucopia.
“Mark, you’ve done it again—they don’t call you the wizard of chard for nothing,” said Mark’s roommate Ben, savoring a single lettuce leaf and a cherry tomato. “I don’t know how he does it, but his tomatoes don’t even have that wet-paper-towel texture like the ones from the store. I’m glad he stuck with it because I gave up on gardening after my zucchini plants managed to get calcium deficiency like some kind of lactose intolerant child. Pro-tip: You wouldn’t think it, but pouring milk on your zucchini during the August heat actually just makes everything worse.”
Mark later announced he’d found his next satisfying hobby to sink endless time and money into after purchasing a project car.
