After one local man’s wish for the Mariners’ two-decade playoff drought to end became officially realized Friday afternoon, the one and final cloven hoof on his cursed moose paw curled today and passed its dreaded playoff drought spell onto the Sounders.
“Such are the consequences of messing with fate!” squealed a leathery, wizened old crone who sold the mummified moose paw to the man at a Sunday Fremont flea market. “While your wish granted you a Mariners playoff run, the Sounders’ postseason struggles have now just begun. Also—I know it’s more of a hoof, but you know, whatever helps make the sale.”
Asked for comment, the owner of the enchanted moose paw still seemed to be enjoying his day despite being the reason the Sounders are missing the playoffs this year for the first time in franchise history.
“Am I sad about passing on a playoff curse to the Sounders? I made sure to make it seem like I would be to the vendor and the paw, but honestly, naw,” said Nathan Wheeler at a local bar watching the Mariners beat the Blue Jays in their first post-season game since 2001. “I mean it kind of sucks, but I’ve been getting more into watching OL Reign anyway – they actually just won the NWSL Shield. I’m sorry to any huge Sounders fans, but the last time the Mariners made the playoffs I was JNCO deep in my Nu-Metal phase and I was getting desperate. No need to worry about any more local sports curses, though: I threw the moose paw away in a dumpster as soon this playoff game started.”
At press time, someone had reportedly already apprehended the moose paw and wished for the Sonics back, likely forever cursing the city with Buoy.
