State education officials are reeling today following the release of a report indicating one Seattle simpleton could not even pronounce the city name of renowned Pierce County treasure, Puyallup.
Officials say the imbecile likely exposed others to a “Poo-y’all-up” mispronunciation in cafes stretching from Capitol Hill to Ballard, sparking concern that it may again spread far and wide.
“We’re just doing our best right now to contain the situation,” said State Board of Education Member Sally Radcliffe. “Some of these kids grow up in very sheltered bubbles where there isn’t a lot of access to or interest in regional awareness of anything outside Seattle city limits. Many are proud just to know how to pronounce Leschi, but we need to do better.”
Radcliffe said she and other board members are championing a new initiative dubbed No Seattleite Left Behind (NSLB), which will provide Seattle Community College classes to inoculate more city residents from local mispronunciations.
“Honestly, Puyallup is just the tip of the iceberg,” Radcliffe said. “These kids are way behind on proper pronunciations of Tulalip, Sequim, Lummi and Tshletshy too, but we have to start somewhere.”
She emphasized that time is of the essence.
“The Washington State Fair starts this weekend in Pee-yallup–I mean, oh, oh, God, no, no, NOOO,” said a stuttering Radcliffe before being rushed to Seattle Central College for quarantine.
At press time, Radcliffe was expected to heal and be released in time for next week’s state fairgrounds return of The Doobie Brothers.
