It’s mid-August and right about now a familiar thought creeps into the back of every fan’s mind—when is this whole thing going to fall apart like one of the world’s biggest engineering failures, Gallopin’ Gertie? Rest assured—despite all the time, money and work poured into this thing—it’s surely any time now. In case you’ve forgotten, here’s how to mentally prepare yourself for your favorite baseball team to suddenly writhe itself into oblivion like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge did in the fall of 1940.
Release Some Tension
On the day of the collapse, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was violently twisting in several directions under incredible torsional stress, much like your average Mariners fan watching their postseason hopes slip away in real-time. To release some tension, try letting out a guttural howl when the train passing T-Mobile Park blares its horn, or dance like no one is watching until everyone is watching when your questionable moves land you on the Jumbotron during the 7th inning stretch.
Remember to Treat Yourself
The Tacoma Narrows Bridge stood tall for merely four months, which is roughly how long the average Mariners’ fan can hold it together each season before their mental fortitude begins to violently sway. That’s why it’s important to treat yourself to little indulgences to relieve stress during the latter half of the season. Personally, we recommend saying ‘fuck it’ and topping a novelty helmet full of ice cream with nacho cheese—you’ve been good for 21 years, you deserve it.
Try to Channel That Energy Elsewhere
Because the TNB lacked open trusses, wind energy was forced to violently move above and below the structure instead of passing harmlessly through—that’s why it’s important we learn to divert some of our negative energy too. If you need a break from worrying about the Mariner’s postseason chances, you can start worrying early about the Seahawks’ upcoming disaster of a season, starting week one when Russell Wilson returns to Seattle to go biblical on our asses.
Keep it in Perspective
The New Tacoma Narrows Bridge wasn’t constructed until 2007, a full 67 years after the first collapse. In comparison, the Mariner’s two-decade rebuild isn’t that long, right? Right?!
Until then, enjoy the roller-coaster-like spectacle and, if the worst should happen while you’re at T-Mobile, just run like hell out of there, abandoning your car if you need to.
