In a move that has local parents raving, the owner of Enfant Terrible Brewing has announced that its new Greenwood location provides a padded, soundproof room for their howling offspring to bounce around unattended while their parents get absolutely shithoused.
“It’s been a huge hit with local families seeking a moment of respite from the darling little urchins they’ve saddled themselves with for the rest of their lives,” said Susan Williams, brewery owner and manager. “The padded, soundproof room gives the little tykes the isolated space they need to express themselves while their grateful parents get drunk as a fart away from their regrettable little angels. I don’t think I’ve seen parents this blootered since Coug Night at a Tacoma Rainiers game.”
Williams reports that the ‘MILF and DILF Mixer Night’ has been a particular success for recent divorcees seeking to have a fleeting moment of adult connection while they get so banged up on the sauce they can’t see a hole in a ladder.
“I love my children more than anything in the world, but if I have to endure their interminable shrieking so they can reward my attention with some wack-ass little jump kick one more time I’m going to fake my own death and reemerge in Peru, beginning a new life as a deep sea fisherman, spending my time on shore courting a sultry widow named Gabriela,” said Brent Jackson, father of three, staring blankly into space for a full thirty seconds before snapping back to attention. “Of course I would never have to resort to such extreme and…desirable measures, because I can set my kids loose while I get absolutely bladdered for a few precious hours. This brewery really has been a godsend.”
The brewery has been such a hit with the local community that there has been talk of moving parent-teacher conferences to the brewery as well, allowing the teachers the opportunity to get a couple drinks in them before they let the parents know what they really think about their precious little Brantleigh.
