Staring forlornly at the rain pouring outside his apartment window on a crisp, gray Seattle day, today local man Andy Brady said all he could do is wistfully recall how at this time last year the weather was so warm and sunny he was almost literally baked alive inside his own home.
“What happened to June being more summery like last year when I blew $700 on a portable air conditioner that only got my apartment temperature down to 90 degrees from 100 before it blew the fuse?” said Brady. “This sucks. At this exact point last year, we were experiencing a record-breaking string of days with temperatures above 100 in a city where almost no one has any real air conditioning and I was pretty sure I was experiencing heat stroke.”
Brady said he’s also dismayed the damp, temperate weather is leaving him uninspired to cover all of his windows in attractive foil like last summer, which also made his home as dark as the inside of an oven.
“Wasn’t it fun last year how desperate we all were day and night to keep our blood from literally boiling us alive?” Brady said. “It was like a little science experiment we were all assigned at the same time, and everyone who did an at least alright job got to live.”
Brady said he’s confident the glum skies won’t last forever, though.
“It may be rainy now but, until it’s not, I’m going to cheer myself up with the thought of how fast, come July, I’m getting at least 2nd-degree sunburns over almost every inch of my pale-ass body.”
