Citing the need to quickly hire more police officers, today Seattle City Councilmember Sara Nelson proposed a new officer hiring incentive of a $4 million taxpayer-funded court settlement to fully cover all expenses of murdering an innocent person of their choice with zero consequences.
“This is a completely new hiring incentive hardly any other police or sheriff’s department has offered before, so I’m excited to see how many new quality candidates salivating at the idea of legally murdering people we can attract with it,” said Councilmember Nelson at today’s public safety committee meeting. “I know we’ve already commissioned a study that said pretty plain terms that hiring incentives aren’t necessary because there are already plenty of poorly educated, emotionally unstable men out there looking for any excuse to fire a gun. But, ya know, if we’ve got the extra money laying around, why not?”
Councilmember Nelson said she got the idea from the Tacoma Police Department and King County Sheriff’s Office.
“We’re already getting way behind on offering these incentives to our proud boys in blue. Just last month Tacoma paid out a $4 million settlement for what its police officers who are still on the job did to murder Manuel Ellis,” Nelson said. “And King County paid out a $5 million murdering incentive for their sheriff’s office this year already. We need to keep up with our peers’ exemplary efforts to keep us all safe under the watch of people who stand a 99% chance of murdering whoever they want whenever they want without consequence.”
Although not every Seattle City Councilmember seems to be on-board with the proposed new hiring incentive for new police officers, all councilmembers seem to be in agreement on the cost-saving incentive of doing away with the city’s utterly useless, toothless and pointless Office of Police Accountability.
