As the trickle-down economics policy popularized by President Ronald Reagan enters its 41st year, local economic forecasters maintained that the theory’s historic drought—which has never not been a drought—would be ending any decade now.
“We know that this trickle-down drought has meant a lot of hard work and sacrifice from working-class Americans, but rest assured that the city’s top billionaires are working day and night to end it probably definitely this decade, the next one or maybe the one after that,” said economic forecaster Max Beauford. “Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Steve Ballmer and the rest of the city’s billionaires have pooled a collective $500 billion in Seattle alone and are just waiting for a few more drops of cash to unleash a torrent of prosperity onto the city—oh, but not too fast! Or else we’d ruin the city with, uh, financial erosion.”
With Goldman Sachs’ finest economic meteorologists on the case, corporate climatologists are now asking the average citizen to be patient and allow the billionaires’ plans to bear fruit for everyone any decade in this century now.
“Sure, there have been setbacks—every time it seems like we’re close to reaching the utopia Reagan promised, someone has an oopsie that burns down the entire economy,” said corporate climatologist Clifford Bidwell. “That’s why we need every average American to pitch in and help and just bail us out a few more times. I don’t remember quite off the top of my head how many times they’ve already done that in their lifetime, but who could possibly keep count anyway? The important thing to remember is to be patient, trust billionaires just a few more days, years or decades.”
There’s also reportedly hope being placed in a new economic theory gaining traction called Toilet Clog Economics, which proposes that by stuffing enough cash into the coffers of the 1%, the toilet of capitalism will finally overflow and flood the homes of the working class with swirling pools of prosperity and enough nuggets of wealth for all.
