The Seattle Mariners’ Opening Day was officially postponed today after the beloved Mariner Moose suddenly became territorial and refused to leave what he has declared his breeding mound.
“Well, folks, this is highly unusual, but it appears that the Mariner Moose has taken the pitching mound and is strutting around displaying his magnificent antlers to this sold-out crowd in what looks like an attempt to attract a mate,” said veteran announcer Rick Rizzs. “Handlers are trying to lure him away with peanuts and crackerjacks, but I don’t know if we’ll ever get this moose back to the dugout so we can root for the Mariners. In the meantime, fire up your phones and start swiping right because it looks like the Moose has announced he’s single and ready to mingle.”
As the Moose sat down on the mound and crossed his arms in protest, officials consulted a local mascot biologist for advice on how to handle the bull-moose.
“While they appear to be silly creatures, you have to understand that they are still wild mascots and are vulnerable to their more instinctual urges,” said mascot biologist Henry Blanchard. “It’s the beginning of baseball season and he hasn’t had a date with the playoffs in 20 years, so he’s acting out a little more than usual. The best thing we can do is give him a little space—he’ll calm down once he’s had his daily trough of garlic fries. After we beat the Astros, he’ll be back to his old silly self.”
Officials were finally able to coax the Mariner Moose off the mound after Blitz the Seahawk agreed to take him for a mascot’s night out at his favorite bar, the Blue Moose Tavern.
