As the country celebrated the historic confirmation of its first black woman to the U.S. Supreme Court, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, one local elected judge also seemed pretty jazzed that you still don’t know who the hell they are.
“I’m 98% sure the main reason I got elected was because of how my name looked on an election ballot,” said King County Superior Court Judge Frank Funiboehner. “No one even knows how much I lean to the right or the left.”
But, according to Judge Funiboehner, none of that matters as long as he gets his non-partisan position job done right.
“It’s kind of nice for everyone involved, if you think about it: Wouldn’t you rather not know an inexperienced dimwit like Ann Davison is your City Attorney? Exactly,” Judge Funiboehner said while fondling his gavel. “The system runs just fine when the only people who know who we are and vote on us tend to be old, white, rich people.”
At press time, reportedly every local judge elected to the state’s Court of Appeals, Superior Courts and District Courts said they were also still pretty jazzed no one including any reporters at The Needling know a damn thing about them.
