Local Olympic bobsledder phenom Will Hildegaard said part of how he keeps his competitive edge year-round is his off-season training at Wild Waves Theme Park in Federal Way.
“You wouldn’t believe how some of the kids there can’t even get a sub 0:43.37 on Konga River,” said Hildegaard. “Except for this one little seven-year-old twerp, Timmy Jenkins, but I overheard him asking his mom for ‘juice’ and I think we all know what kind of juice he was referring to if you know what I’m saying.”
We reached out to one of Wild Waves’ workers to comment on his experience in aiding in such an intense training regimen last summer.
“Yeah, every day would be pretty normal until this one douchebag would show up claiming that he’s ‘training for the Olympics’ and would try to cut everyone in line so we usually have to step in and move him to the back,” said lifeguard Terrence Johnson. “Then he’d try to shame me saying ‘you’re gonna be why Germany gets gold and not me!’ like I care if another country can slide down a slippery hill faster than we can. I mean I’d care if he was a penguin, but he’s not even close to as cute as they are.”
At press time, Winter Olympics history was made when bobsledder Timmy Jenkins became the sport’s youngest gold medalist ever.
