A new local poll revealed today that festive lovebirds don’t need to look further than their local ice skating rink to find the most romantic place to break your tailbone and humiliate yourself while on a date.
“Whether you’re a blossoming Tinder love story or celebrating your Silver Anniversary, ice skating is the perfect activity to overestimate your athleticism and shatter your tailbone into a thousand unrecognizable pieces while attempting to impress your date,” said KING 5 reporter Shepard Sterling. “According to our poll, ice skating narrowly beat out ‘falling off a horse during a sunset ride on the beach’ and ‘slipping on a pool of oil in your bedroom during an erotic massage’ for the top spot on this year’s list of most romantic places to permanently injure yourself.”
Local ice-skating rink owner Henrietta Frost says there’s a lot to this winter activity that keeps hearts fluttering and bones shattering year after year.
“Between the fairy-tale holiday atmosphere and our patron’s general lack of coordination, ice-skating has been sweeping local romantics off their feet for the past 30 years,” said Frost, clearing discarded gloves and chipped teeth off the ice with a Zamboni. “There’s nothing more romantic than floating across the ice next to the person you love before losing your footing, breaking your tailbone, then feebly scooting yourself towards the exit while a five-year old Olympic prodigy glides by with the grace of an angel and lands a triple-axel over your broken body.”
While ice skating was awarded the top spot for romantic physical injury, voters agreed that nothing quite mentally scars like a date night at Karaoke.
