As if a recent streak of losses for the Seahawks, Kraken and Huskies wasn’t painful enough, Seattle sports fans were reportedly devastated to discover today that Climate Pledge Arena has officially lost its worst sports arena title to LA’s Crypto. com Arena.
“First the Packers whupped us even while in the thick of Aaron Rogders’ Rogan-fueled insanity, now you’re telling me Los Angeles just beat us at having an arena name title even more indicative of late-stage capitalism than our precious Climate Pledge Arena? When will the punches stop coming?” said Seattle sports fan Chris Stevens drowning his sorrows at Buckley’s pub. “I thought we were at the beginning of a dynasty of having the most regrettable title in sports venue history, but as a longtime Seattle sports fan, I should have known better. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me for decades, shame on me.”
The worst arena title loss came as a surprise upset last night when news broke that the storied Staples Center, home to the Los Angeles Lakers, would officially be renamed Crypto. com Arena.
“Hard as this loss is to take on top of all our other recent losses, I gotta hand it to LA—they won this title fair and square,” said Stevens’ friend Peter Riley. “It’s hard to name a sports arena more indicative of the nauseating age of technocracy we all seem to slipping into, but Crypto. com definitely dunks on Climate Pledge Arena.”
At press time, owners of Climate Pledge Arena assured local sports fans that they were in talks to reclaim the worst arena name title next year by renaming it Crypto Pledge Arena.
