A Ballard man became the latest victim of rising car part thefts across the nation tonight when he was abducted while walking to a Halloween party in a Honda CR-V catalytic converter costume.
“At approximately 7:08 this evening, security tapes show that a pair of thieves attempting to steal a catalytic converter from a Prius in Ballard saw a much more giant catalytic converter walking down the street, already free from its housing,” said SPD detective Jeff Morlin. “They then proceeded to say ‘Oh shit, this is the big fish’ and abducted the man, seemingly unaware that instead of absconding with mounds of precious platinum, gold and rhodium, they were just stealing a real human dressed in the lamest Halloween costume ever.”
Fortunately, the man was quickly recognized and rescued at a nearby scrap metal recycling center.
“I just thought it would make me look more desirable and give my post-vaccination dating life this winter a fighting chance,” said Henry Burlington,. “I always seem to attract the wrong types. I knew I should have dressed as a Prius catalytic converter instead.”
Public safety advocates are warning those celebrating Halloween this year to always walk in parties of at least four catalytic converter costumes at a time.
“The tech industry has raised the worth for all kinds of scrap metals, so we highly urge all Tin Men to watch their backs as well.”
