A heartwarming display of unsanitary civic showmanship was on display in Pioneer Square yesterday after former members of the Seattle Police and Fire Departments, discharged for their refusal to get vaccinated, showed up unmasked to serve up a breakfast buffet of COVID-19 to the most vulnerable members of our society.
“I may have lost my job because I get all my news from Baby Yoda memes on right-wing Facebook groups, but I’ll be damned if the government tells me who I can and can’t infect with a deadly respiratory illness,” said former Seattle Firefighter Darren Paulson, sneezing into his hands before roughly handing a plate of food to a homeless man. “Rest assured, we’ll be out here until everyone is fed or the KOMO News cameras leave, whichever comes first.”
When asked if this sanctimonious bit of theater might transform into a regular display of community service, one former Seattle police officer was quick to push back.
“Oh good Lord no, that was enough community outreach for one lifetime,” said former SPD Officer Frank Leach. “It was too awkward—I ran into this homeless guy whose worldly possessions I destroyed during an encampment sweep and he was still all salty about how I threw his shoes into a garbage truck.”
Following the showy display, the disgraced former Seattle police and firefighters ceremoniously left their boots on the steps of City Hall in protest, but left an armed contingent behind to make sure no desperate homeless people were able to use them.
