Upper management of local grocery co-op chain PCC say they’re reportedly being flooded with countless deranged and maniacal requests for the store to be an actual co-op.
“We’ve literally called the cops on these absolute nutjobs at several stores because they’re psychotically trying to elect a PCC staff member or two to our co-op Board of Trustees for the first time in years. It’s like these crazies want us to be an actual co-op or something,” said PCC CEO Suzy Monford. “Don’t they get that all ‘co-ops’ are today is a supposedly feel-good way for rich people to scoop bulk items into plastic bags themselves while blowing twice as much on Vitamin Water as they would at Safeway?”
Monford, who bravely and publicly opposed the Seattle City Council’s grocery store worker hazard pay law three months ago, said she’s merely fighting for more representation of the economically privileged CEO community on the co-op board.
“We just want to stay close to our humble, community-oriented, grass-roots mission and brand by ensuring no working-class member of our own staff is represented on our co-op board,” Monford said. “Some say it might be worth it to chill the fuck out, avoid another PR disaster, and just allow for the possibility that a more diverse co-op board would not be the end of the world. But then we might run the risk of being an actual co-op.”
To reduce such insane requests in the future, Monford encouraged all PCC member-customers to not look in their emails for a link to vote PCC staff and UFCW Local 21 union members Donna Rasmussen and Laurae McIntyre onto the grocery store’s board by next Monday, May 3.
