AmazonSmile announced today that customers can now donate a fraction of their purchases to a new charity specializing in setting fire to independent bookstores.
“The charity ‘Beatty’s Books’ is named after the heroic firefighter from Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451,” said AmazonSmile spokesperson Chase Matthews. “Beatty burned books to prevent citizens from thinking, and we hope to do the same while burning down all independent bookstores we somehow remain in competition with.”
Although Amazon’s monumental and growing share of the bookselling industry has already decimated independent bookstores nationwide, Matthews says a startling amount of them seem pretty insistent about existing.
“Here at Elliott Bay Books, we’ve always taken pride in personally recommending great books to our customers, hosting incredible author events and raising our middle fingers at Amazon every time we sell a book,” said bookseller Jonas Humbleton. “Now every time you visit us, you can also look forward to watching us shoo away Amazon’s minions with fire extinguishers, Kshama Sawant campaign posters, and public readings of Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed.”
Although it may take some time to completely monopolize the book industry, AmazonSmile says they hope to one day also give customers the option to help fund the burning down all independent film studios.
