In an annual show of performative curiosity, today local white coworker Lizzie Hedges asked her Muslim coworker Mariem Aloui the same question about Ramadan for the third year in a row instead of Googling it on her own like she absolutely could have for the last two decades.
“So, like, can you even drink water?” asked Hedges, an MBA graduate with the memory of a goldfish and access to the largest source of information known to man literally at her fingertips.
“No, we don’t even drink water,” answered Aloui, an accountant, for the literal thousandth time even though a search engine that can answer that question in seconds has existed since 2001. “We get to eat and drink after sundown. Anyway, can you tell me more about this expense report for your dog’s daycare at Mr. Waddles?”
Hedges said she absolutely could tell her more about Mr. Waddles, but not before a blank facial expression hinted she had yet another question she was too lazy to type into a search engine already open on one of her computer’s internet tabs.
“Wait, I forget, do you guys even drink alcohol?” Hedges asked, also for the third year in a row despite the fact that it’s not in Aloui’s job description to make white people feel they’re doing a convincing job of feigning interest in her religion and culture.
“No, we don’t even drink alcohol,” Aloui answered five minutes before asking Google for better places to work.
