After securing an incredible salary and bonus up-front, local software engineer Brock Morehouse said he admits he’s incredibly nervous about his first day of self-loathing at his new employer, Amazon.
“There’s so many reasons to hate myself as soon as I walk through the door and scan my badge for the first time, including knowing I’m working for a company that fires climate change activists, deprives warehouse workers and delivery drivers of breaks, mindfucks people into buying Echo devices Amazon uses to collect data on them and make even more money,” Morehouse said shaking his head. “Hopefully as I add more reasons to hate myself while working here, I’ll be anesthetized enough by promotions, salary bumps and stocks to somehow not hate myself as much I probably should.”
As anxiety-inducing as his first day of self-loathing already is, Morehouse says he’s working on making it less painful.
“I’m already finding a multitude of ways to lie to myself and justify working here,” Morehouse said. “Whether pretending I’ll eventually leave to work at a little startup or feigning that we’re improving lives rather than digging the planet’s grave and turning Seattle into a serfdom, I’ll figure out a way to pretend it’s ok.”
At press time Morehouse had already successfully convinced himself there’s no reason he or Amazon should ever pay their fair share in taxes.
