Determined to avoid a lonely Valentine’s Day, one Phinney Ridge woman has arranged a busy day filled with several tantalizing and torrid contactless encounters with local delivery drivers.
“After spending the last 340 days alone in quarantine I thought I’d treat myself this Valentine’s Day to a buffet of men and women available to me in 40-60 minutes,” said Beth Steinberg, scrolling through GrubHub to arrange a dinner order on her phone. “First, Paula from Uber Eats is scheduled to spoil me with a decadent breakfast buffet from Roxy’s, and then Raul from Door Dash is going to bring his friend Colonel Sanders along for a little afternoon delight. Oh Raul, you shouldn’t have—I do love a man in uniform.”
While Beth enjoyed her decadent day of delicious self-care, her repeat orders have caught the eye of one delivery driver.
“Oh yeah, that’s Beth, I’ll be back there later to bring her a romantic dinner from Big Mario’s,” said Raul Gutierrez, picking up a large pepperoni pizza. “She’s really sweet, a great tipper—I can kind of hear her breathlessly whisper ‘I love you, my sweet food angel’ from the other side of the door – honestly it’s been really nice to spend Valentine’s Day with someone that really appreciates me. I might stay on call an extra hour tonight and see if I can deliver her some late-night Ben and Jerry’s.”
Following their latest encounter, Raul and Beth have officially changed their delivery status from “Deliver Now” to “Recurring Scheduled Delivery.”
