After being caught falsely accusing an innocent black man delivering newspapers of death threats, law enforcement officials are saying Pierce County Sheriff Ed Troyer just had a “vewy bad day.”
“He was having trouble going night night so he thought he would tell himself and a police dispatcher a wittle imaginary bedtime story about how the car shortly stopping at people’s driveways early in the morning was actually trying to break into everyone’s houses and kill him,” said Pierce County Sheriff spokesman Jeff Kaplan. “He thought the stowy would be more exciting if he told dispatchers that the man knew him and had tried to break into his garage. He didn’t mean for 42 police units thinking someone was trying to kill the county’s elected sheriff to show up, especially after another officer discovered the man was just delivering newspapers like The Seattle Times that would hand his ass to him if they ever found out about this. I think we can all chalk this oopsie-daisy up to Sheriff Troyer just having a terrible, horrible, no good, vewy bad day, that’s all.”
The sheriff’s department said media covering how Troyer’s description of the late January incident has contradicted and flip-flopped more times than anyone can count are blowing this all out of proportion.
“Just like the tragic death of Manuel Ellis in Tacoma, I assure you this has nothing to do with racism, classism or police misconduct in any way,” Kaplan said. “It’s time to take a big breath of relief because Sheriff Troyer said he’s ready put all this behind him. No use crying over almost-spilled blood, folks. Case closed!”
Kaplan said the Pierce County Sheriff’s Department must move on to much more pressing priorities now including Sheriff Troyer’s terrible, horrible, no good, vewy bad legacy of police coverups.
