The historic landing of the Mars Perseverance Rover has been met with controversy today after many of Earth’s citizens accused the rover of abandoning the planet for a self-serving vacation escape amidst an unprecedented string of crises back home.
“Can you believe the nerve of this rover? COVID-19 is still holding the human race hostage in our own homes, there’s an unprecedented blizzard ravaging the American south, Donald Trump is still out there existing, and there goes Perseverance just off vacationing on Mars while the people of Earth suffer,” said Dallas resident Antoine Johnson. “We’re stuck freezing in our own homes while this robotic bastard is doing donuts in the Jezero Crater with his pal Curiosity.”
The Perseverance Rover, or Percy, took to Twitter to defend the callous timing of his extraterrestrial voyage.
“This has all just been a huge misunderstanding—I wasn’t going to Mars to escape the hellish woes that plague the planet Earth with rising regularity. I’m simply here on a quick, uh, scientific mission for the betterment of all mankind,” said Percy, hastily packing several suitcases from the surface of Mars. “Wanting to be a good rover, I simply went out to Mars to drop off the Mars Helicopter Ingenuity for his mission and now that he’s safe, I will be heading back to Earth immediately. My sensors are in constant contact with the mission team on Earth, there’s just a 20-minute delay, that’s all!”
Despite the Perseverance Rover’s recent controversy, a recent poll found that a majority of Americans still favored the personality of the cold, soulless robot to that of Senator Ted Cruz.
