Controversy has marred the annual Puppy Bowl today after Linebarker Vontaze Barkfict was ejected for a late hit on Snifferback Pup Hamilton that resulted in an illegal snoot-to-snoot contact penalty.
“We have a zero tolerance policy for unnecessary ruffness, and we want to make it very clear that we support the rufferees decision to declare Barkfict a very bad boy and eject him from the Puppy Bowl,” said Commissioner Pawger Goodell, addressing the media at the postgame conference. “Pup Hamilton suffered the cutest widdle concussion and was a very sleepy pupperino, but will make a full recovery. We’re just grateful that this very profitable endeavour was able to take place today despite many of these pups testing pawsitive for COVID-19.”
While the league has recently taken a hard line stance against excessively adorable violence in the Puppy Bowl, many pundits took to their radio shows to voice their displeasure at the perceived softening of the game.
“Oh, I’m sorry I thought I was watching the Puppy Bowl, not the Pillowy Soft Kitten Cuddle Fiesta,” said Stephen A. Sniff, launching into a rant on First Take. “This is exactly what’s wrong with the league these days, there used to be a time when wolves were wolves but nowadays a Defensive LineDog can’t get within a whiff of the Snifferback’s behind without drawing an illegal paws to the face penalty. These are spry, 3 month old puppies in the middle of their prime, just swimming in a wealth of milkbones and they can’t take the slightest boop to the snoot? They wouldn’t last five minutes in the old Bulldog Leagues with real wolves like T-Bone Bradshaw, Pawrence Taylor, and Lick Butkus.”
The National Pupball League recently announced its yearly honors, including Ruffie of the Year Justin Herbark, Dogfensive Player of the Year Aaron Dognald, MVPup Aaron Rodgrrr, and Dog of the Year Ruffsell Wilson.
