Residents across the Pacific Northwest expressed relief today that Hawaii stepped up overnight to handle the inevitable 2020 Bingo call-out for the “volcano eruption” square.
“After just about every other natural disaster known to man occurred in 2020, I think we all knew chances of ‘volcano eruption’ getting called before the end of the year were about 100 percent,” said Seattle resident Trent Maynard. “With 10 active volcanoes between Washington and Oregon ready to blow, we spent months worrying we might have to handle this one. Thank God volcano veteran Hawaii took this one — if Rainier ever blew, I wouldn’t even know who I am anymore.”
Madame Pele, high goddess of all Hawaiian volcanic activity said in a statement that it was “nothing really.”
“Oh, you poor Seattle things already had to freak out about being the US’s first pandemic epicenter and weeks of forest fire smoke – don’t worry, I can handle a lava flow in my sleep,” said Pele. “Besides, this year has been so shitty and maddening worldwide, I needed to let off some steam – really, it was my pleasure.”
The last remaining event yet to be called out on this year’s 2020 Bingo cards is reportedly alien invasion, which the United States is fully expecting to be handled by Florida men.
