Shaking off his disappointment at the outcome of November’s election and subsequent court cases, conservative uncle Harry Garrett formally announced he’s looking forward to pretending to be an advocate for balanced government budgets again.
“I didn’t talk about it at Christmas or Thanksgiving because there was still a chance Trump might stay in the White House,” said Garrett. “I sure would’ve looked ridiculous in my MAGA hat railing on about it while the national deficit exploded to unprecedented levels during his term.”
Family members suspect Garrett will return to his habits of the Obama years when he unexpectedly became a proponent of “fiscal responsibility.”
“I was shocked because he’s borrowed money from me consistently since high school and has never been in a rush to pay me back,” said his brother, Chris. “Then, as soon as Obama became president, he wouldn’t STFU about debt and budgets.”
Emily, Garrett’s niece, says the family group text has received several infographics with misspelled projections illustrating the spending of the Biden administration. She also confirmed Garrett changed his avatar from an American flag back to the Constitution on January 8.
“My family has called me all kinds of things over the years: Racist, troll, incel, insurrectionist — but really I am just misunderstood,” Garrett said. “What I really am underneath it all is just a devoted patriot and part-time fiscal hawk that serves only during Democratic administrations.”
