Responding quickly to the drastic cultural changes that came with the pandemic-era dating scene, today Tinder launched a new spinoff dating app that matches people based on who infected them with Covid-19.
“Get infected at a party last weekend while not wearing a mask? Well Contact has the perfect covid-positive gal with untreated herpes and chlamydia for you,” said Contact app CEO Travis Harkin. “And if you’re an essential worker with a heart of gold who got infected while saving lives without enough PPE, regardless of sexual orientation you’ll be immediately paired with Idris Elba.”
Harkin said the app’s algorithm takes into consideration location-tracking data that indicates how seriously users are abiding by current pandemic advice regarding social distancing and how they most likely got infected in the first place.
“We’re just trying to make sure the kind of guy who jogs within inches of other people without a mask on is paired with the kind of anti-mask soulmate who gets infected after a viral, five-minute meltdown when refused service at the supermarket,” Harkin said. “They have a lifetime of misery to offer each other and we’re proud to be part of pairing them off and away from people who deserve so much better.”
The app is reportedly already the most popular new app on the market, despite a glitch matching some offended essential workers with Tom Hanks.
“It won’t happen again,” Harkin said. “Every front-line worker who’s been infected at some point deserves Idris Elba, or at the very least a nice shoulder massage from The Rock.”
