As Seattle’s first round of COVID-19 vaccination shots arrived today, local good Samaritan and conspiracy theorist Doug Fenley proudly announced that he would kindly be letting you take his place in line for life-saving vaccination shots.
“This whole thing has been a hoax or at least wildly blown out of proportion – we don’t need vaccinations or masks,” said Fenley, who added that his family members will soon be letting your loved ones cut in line for the potentially pandemic-ending vaccination too.
“There’s no way I’m letting Bill Gates fill me up with his mind-controlling, blood-borne microchips,” Fenley said, helpfully reminding you to put some of those mini Kettle Chip bags on your next shopping list.
“The only way I’d ever take a vaccine is if credible sources like Q and Joe Rogan told me to, and I don’t see that happening,” Fenley said as he made clear he’d also be helping you cut in line for job and world travel opportunities for at least the next year or two.
At press time, Fenley was seen kindly donating a drop in the bucket for President Trump’s campaign to cancel more than $400 million of personal debt.
