After years of downsizing his list of backpacking essentials, veteran ultralight backpacker Nathan Hurley said he’s ready to head out this weekend with his lowest pack weight ever after surgically removing his lower ribs.
“Every extra ounce in your backpack is another thing holding you back from escaping civilization as quickly as possible while telling your trail buddies the exact weight of everything that is and isn’t in your pack,” said Hurley while carefully measuring which Larabar flavor weighs less. “After a few years of running out of ways to brag about reducing my pack weight, though, I asked myself, ‘What non-essential things have I been packing in my body this entire time?’ And that’s when it hit me: my ribs, of course. Getting rid of the lower ones cut 12 oz. right there!”
News of Hurley having his ribs surgically removed to save weight came as no shock to his backpacking buddy Ted Redmond.
“If anyone is ready to skimp out on small pleasures such as an effective camping stove, staying warm, or walking around with a full rib cage, it’s definitely my buddy Nathan,” said Redmond, while checking his pack list for their trip to the Quinault Enchanted Valley this weekend. “Please don’t tell him I’m bringing a Theo chocolate bar, okay? Last time he caught me I was reprimanded for not only carrying a non-essential, but a chocolate bar that is obviously an entire half-ounce heavier than most Seattle Chocolate Company bars.”
According to several sources, Hurley was already aware of Redmond’s planned transgression. His spot on the backpacking trip has since been replaced by Marilyn Manson.
